Human Nature or Nurture?

In my research for this series of articles I came across this message post in the comment section of a recent story about gossip:

(Anonymous) wrote:

“The reason I gossip and/or listen to others gossip is because I have a burning desire to know. I love listening to people's problems and issues because I need to know what is going on for them. I love to study people and their situations and know everything that is going on with them. It's really not a choice for me to gossip or not gossip, I just have a basic drive to be constantly in the loop and keep loved ones in the loop with me.”Posted Tuesday, December 06, 2011 3:29:39 PM

I appreciate the candor of this post. The honesty and self awareness within this person gives me hope despite the justification of the activity. I suspect that the person who posted this has any idea of the destructive culture that this behavior produces.

Some have studied that we as human beings are hard wired for the need to gossip and slander others. A primal instinct and a part of our nature. I suppose I can agree with that. This may be some type of survival skill. That said, times have changed and I can also understand that what used to work for us can become a hindrance to our progress.

That is the reason for these articles. It is my hope that a reader who may not understand the truth about gossip may consider another way to approach the tendency to gossip. Perhaps nurture a new and more constructive way to relate to one another for the good of us all.

Here are some things I do to counter the destruction and propagate change.

1) When I am around folks that are engaged in gossip, I will make a point to say something positive about the object of the gossip. Some fact, and my own experience, only if it is positive.

2) I avoid situations that involve gossip. I leave the room, say nothing, or change the subject.

3) In chronic gossip situations, say for example at work or some other frequency, I make known my desire to not be involved and give examples of why. Followed up with my saying something positive.

4) When asked about a friend or colleague's personal information I will say "don't know, how about you ask them yourself"

I blow it now and then but it is rare today that I let something slip out. I refuse to tolerate it at all with myself and it gets easier to protect others from my own tale bearing. I can protect others when someone has a need to pry.

This tendency to gossip may be primal but I am living proof that a different and more rewarding way to relate can happen. My experience is that an old instinctive behavior can be displaced over time with something entirely different.