Occupy the North Pole!

It may have started in Astoria, Oregon.

But from the looks of it, the Occupy Movement ends at the North Pole.

Take a look: http://www.occupy-northpole.com/

That is where I am headed and for the next few weeks. I will be joining the elves in support of the 99%. For the time I am away, I will be unable to post to the blog. So please, take the time to read through, make a comment and I will be back next year to reply.

Have a great holiday.

Hang In There Baby

As I shared yesterday, rather than being bitter and full of contempt, I have been making effort in changing the way I approach the holiday season.

I am giving to charity on a broader level. The past few years I have used trees that are alive and in pots. We then plant them in parks over the new year. I am better able to shut out the urging to purchase gifts and reject any thought of expectation. The past two years I have been able to mail out thank you cards and hand write thoughtful words of encouragement. When I meet people who are struggling through this holiday time, I can relate for sure to the funk. I find myself loving them in my thought, word and deed.

This is working for me. I like the feeling I get with this different attitude, that it energizes me to discover ways to carry on the work throughout the rest of the year.

I still enjoy relief when the holidays are over, it’s a bonus.

And You Vil Enjoy It!

Christmas is forced down our throat and I do not like it!

 We are expected as a society to visit, travel and purchase. Christmas is an added stress and for that reason, I dread the Holidays approach and I am glad when they pass.

How ever, I am trying on a new thought this year. For 2011, instead of my usual bitter attitude surrounding the holidays, I am striving to be a blessing to others as well as a more positive thought process regarding the holidays.

Short article, I know. I needed an excuse to use this image of the vomiting santa.

Seams’Appropriate

I missed the class that addressed healthy intimacy and boundaries. It was not part of the curriculum on the Do It For Me Bus. What I have learned is that there are levels of intimacy with one another depending on the situation and considering the capacity of everyone involved.

Small talk is one level. Chat about the weather or a smile with a stranger is appropriate as a place to begin, leaving it at that.

The next level is introducing oneself to a familiar face or while sharing an experience. Some small talk and that is about it.

Political views, religion, Income Level, Marital Status, Residence, place of Employ all come later. We do not have to share our life story with anyone who walks up to us on the street, or even on the first date. It is dangerous personally as well as dangerous for other people in our lives, our loved ones.

I think this is why I am sooo creeped out by facebook and the whole social networking craze and why I do not participate. There is no reason for me to put us all out there for the world to see. There is no reason for me to know that much about you.

If you are interested and fascinated about me, get ahold of me and we can talk things through. If you are somewhat sane and reasonably discrete, I will confide information to you and we will have fun. I am not about to put it all on a facebook web page, for whatever purpose literally, anyone may have.

We just need to do a little work, take some initiative, reach out and get to know each other and figure things out. That’s all.

This seems appropriate.

Awkward

That is how I feel when I look at a facebook page, it is creepy as heck. Awkward. Too Much Information! I want to challenge myself to get to know someone and form my own relationship with them. I am glad that I feel that way.

I am concerned about the reliance and seeming acceptance of social networking. I am curious for the crowd that is growing up with it and where this will lead

I often wonder if the reliance on devices to stay informed and in touch is having a negative effect for us and potentially separating us even more.

We can look in on someone and get an update without even calling or meeting up and sharing eye contact. We can learn things about people we have never even met.

It is unsettling to me; it is being nosy or a peeping tom type of thing. Surveying each other without reaching out to one another.

I believe that meeting, looking each other in the eye, allowing comfort to flow. Encouraging and laughing, gentle hugs; it is all what we do best, loving.

The love that seems to come through us and to us, in a face to face meeting. Let’s make the time, taking the time for it.

Don’t ask, Don’t Tell

Have you ever just met someone and had them proceed to tell you there life story. Shocking things, all the abuse they suffered, personal and private information about their family, etc. How they just got out of rehab and proceed to show you there hidden tattoos or tell you there freaky medical problems.

Think about how unsettling that is to hear. It is awkward isn’t it?

Nosy Nellie

There are things that I understand and there are people and situations that I do not understand. It can be a complicated world out there and allot of people are hurting. Consequently there are allot of people out there that hurt others.

So I protect myself from what I do not understand by not making it easy to know my name, who I know and love, or where I live. At least until we get to know each other awhile, first.

There are nosy people in the world. The kind of people that ask what you do for a living before they ask your name. People that may not have the best interests in mind and spirit.

There are other folks, rare individuals who are more interested in solutions than  they are in creating problems. They are the people I want to surround myself with. I cherish them when I find them or at least I cherish the moment with them.

My goal is to get on with a message that I hope rings true and is positive. A message for those that are able to spend some time with the writing and the ideas contained here.

The picture at the heading of this article, for those that do not know, is the last known picture taken of John Lennon. It shows John with the person that murdered him, as John was signing an autograph for the guy.

Anonymous Intimacy

As you can tell, I am reluctant to use my real name or provide much contact information on this blog.

The reason for this is to provide a layer of protection and preservation for myself, my family and people that I do business with. And to preserve the opportunities that the future holds for us.

The disclosure in this blog and contained in these articles are a level of intimacy fit for only a trusted few. I am expressing a level of intimacy that is too personal for a stranger or literally anyone in the world with an internet connection to view. Without taking precaution to not name names or otherwise risk offering information that can and would be fodder. Fodder for damaging effects of gossip and slander and or physical harm to myself and those that surround me. Grief to those that will surround me in the future.

This is a good and healthy level of intimacy, considering.

The next few days we will look at levels of intimacy, the internet and social networking as another catalyst that promotes a Do It For Me lifestyle.

Way Go, Occupy!

I have been informed that many of the occupy movements are moving to clean up the parks that were damaged in the occupations.

Thank you movement. I feel like we are all turning a corner and looking forward to the road ahead.

Human Nature or Nurture?

In my research for this series of articles I came across this message post in the comment section of a recent story about gossip:

(Anonymous) wrote:

“The reason I gossip and/or listen to others gossip is because I have a burning desire to know. I love listening to people's problems and issues because I need to know what is going on for them. I love to study people and their situations and know everything that is going on with them. It's really not a choice for me to gossip or not gossip, I just have a basic drive to be constantly in the loop and keep loved ones in the loop with me.”Posted Tuesday, December 06, 2011 3:29:39 PM

I appreciate the candor of this post. The honesty and self awareness within this person gives me hope despite the justification of the activity. I suspect that the person who posted this has any idea of the destructive culture that this behavior produces.

Some have studied that we as human beings are hard wired for the need to gossip and slander others. A primal instinct and a part of our nature. I suppose I can agree with that. This may be some type of survival skill. That said, times have changed and I can also understand that what used to work for us can become a hindrance to our progress.

That is the reason for these articles. It is my hope that a reader who may not understand the truth about gossip may consider another way to approach the tendency to gossip. Perhaps nurture a new and more constructive way to relate to one another for the good of us all.

Here are some things I do to counter the destruction and propagate change.

1) When I am around folks that are engaged in gossip, I will make a point to say something positive about the object of the gossip. Some fact, and my own experience, only if it is positive.

2) I avoid situations that involve gossip. I leave the room, say nothing, or change the subject.

3) In chronic gossip situations, say for example at work or some other frequency, I make known my desire to not be involved and give examples of why. Followed up with my saying something positive.

4) When asked about a friend or colleague's personal information I will say "don't know, how about you ask them yourself"

I blow it now and then but it is rare today that I let something slip out. I refuse to tolerate it at all with myself and it gets easier to protect others from my own tale bearing. I can protect others when someone has a need to pry.

This tendency to gossip may be primal but I am living proof that a different and more rewarding way to relate can happen. My experience is that an old instinctive behavior can be displaced over time with something entirely different. 

We Are 90% Water

The damaging effect of gossip, slander and tale bearing are serious. The negative aspect of the words, the thoughts and the pain that surrounds such activity is really hurt full to all involved.

There was a study using water molecules, that produced results showing just thoughts and negative words and thought can deform and destroy molecular structure appearing to kill the molecule, if I understand correctly. Here is a video:
http://youtu.be/MMfCvdyaNGQ

It can be said that positive word and thought could actually promote health and prosperity. Lets consider that if we need to talk and tell tales about others, then let the words and thoughts be positive. Otherwise we are killing ourselves and each other with such strife.

Who Knew?

I have had folks tell me things about people I have never met yet and it really can distort my ability to form a relationship with that person. Gossip and slander does not even give either person a chance to develop a relationship or a true level of connection. A level of connection that is what we as human beings can be remarkably magnificent at and I believe a beautiful aspect of what we are really about.

Let’s evolve. Being cut throat and back stabbing may have served us well over the centuries but not today. The old ways of treating each other are not working anymore. People are hurting and not living out the absolutely brilliant beings that we all are meant to be.

I want my life to put a little towards the steps needed to move out of the ego and more forward to things worthwhile. Consequently, lives worthwhile.

The Truth Hurts If It’s Supposed To

I have had people argue with me on the subject. “if it’s true, it’s not gossip” I had one guy protest to me.

I say BU#%*&t! And I say to the gossip fan, if you are saying something that will hurt someone, help form a negative impression and perhaps disclose something confided to you. It is gossip and slander.

For one thing you are hurting yourself, I mean, who can trust you? I would not. Second thing is you are hurting someone else for sure. Destroying your own relationships as well as countless other relationships that may otherwise be positive or potentially nurturing for man kind.

For what? Self centered ego driven fear of looking at oneself? To the point of making sure others look bad and that they hurt. Fu%#ing little hitler’s we can be, don’t you think?

Hurting People Hurt People

Gossip is absolutely destructive. Whether in the work place, at school, the coffee shop or in the news. Destructive socially and economically. Gossip and slander keep us isolated from each other. Developmentally painful for children to be sure.

We have read the accounts of disturbed individuals losing it and injuring themselves and/or others. I am not surprised when I learn that in many of these cases, these individuals have been the object of gossip, slander and bullying either around school or work.

Today, social media can make little tidbits of gossip or slander an overwhelming brutality on a person. Just the nature of social media being accesable to the world, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. To top that off, a rumor or gossip posted on the internet is searchable for anyone interested in learning about you.

With the static aspect and connected as we are, I can empathize with a person that is the object of gossip. A person who would be overwhelmed and feel devastatingly hopeless. Without an effective support system and coping skill, gossip can literally kill people. If not physicly, surely spiritually.

Gossip 101

I have been fortunate to attend two lectures on the subject of gossip at different stages of my life. One lecture we learned the reasons that people engage in gossip. The reasoning boiled down to our self-centered need for attention, recognition and to stroke our own ego. Often times we engage in gossip to disconnect from the truth about ourselves. After all, if we are going on about someone else and how bad there situation is, we don’t have to face the ugly aspects of our own character.

Another such lecture involved an exercise where four people from the class room were selected to stand out of the room so they could not hear what was going on inside the class room while the rest of the class remained.

A short story was shared in class and one person was selected to relay the story to one of the four outside the class room. Then that person would relay the information to the next and so on.

By the time the last of the four came in to share the version they were given, the story was significantly different, not true to the original version and key facts were missing. The result was dramatic! In the matter of ten minutes and filtered through just four people, the story had changed to something quite different.

So it is the same fate with a piece of gossip, sadly.

To then repeat the compromised information would be spreading lies and slandering one another. We will look at the damaging effects of this tomorrow.

Gossip

Is there any redeeming value to gossip?

If so, please make a comment as I am having difficulty finding anything useful to gossip. All I can glean from gossip is destruction.

Have you heard the saying: “Opinions are like ass holes, we all have one and they stink”?

That is the problem with gossip. It may start as a piece of information and we tend to insert our opinion as part of the fact. The gossip then travels from person to person with each inserting their own perception and in a short time the gossip is a complete and factious, stinking lie.

Or, how about the saying:

“you can learn more about a person by what they say about someone else”

Let’s explore this the next few days as I have come to know gossip as an aspect of the Do It For Me Syndrome character trait and its relation to the ego.

Toilets!

I have a friend who seems insulated from the unemployment that seems to be affecting the rest of the country. He scrubs toilets and he has done this work for most of his life. Today he has his own business scrubbing toilets and washing windows.

He is a happy camper, supports his family and enjoys his life.

Perhaps it is geographic but I have watched a steady stream of want adds for janitorial type work for years.  Doing some quick math, these jobs advertise income of $20 to $30 thousand per year from what I figure.

Again, I Don’t get the protesters holding the signs that say “we need jobs”. Why protest about it, is someone supposed to give you a job then?

I believe the jobs are out there, so put down the sign and go get them. Otherwise, I think I know what you’re up to otherwise and you need to change your sign, protester.

Lawns!

I have never lived in an area where I knew so many people with landscaping/lawncare businesses.

These men and women business owners do really really well and of those that I know three are somewhat large employers around here.

The rest are one man shows, but I mean, I can quickly think of 8 people doing this in my small circle and there are many I see doing lawn work that I do not know. Seems like a popular and profitable industry.

Lets say charge, oh $35 per lawn. I can see with a truck, a mower and trimmer machine one person could conservatively cut 8 lawns in a day. After fuel and dumping, a person should be able to earn $200 per day. More trucks and people could bring $1,000 a day  allowing for insurance etc.

Not much grass cutting going on this time of year although allot of leaves and gutters to clean up. Not to mention Parks to be repaired and grounds re sodded.

Sure the work slows a bit in the winter months but over all and from what I see, People make a good living with lawns and landscaping.

Apples!

In our part of the world, we grow allot of apples. During harvest season, allot of help is needed to get the apples off of the trees and on to trucks.

An apple farmer said during a recent interview that he did not have enough help to harvest the Apples and that if more workers did not show up on his farm as well as the rest of the Apple Farms, that 1/3 of the Apple crop will be lost.

That farmer shared that he has not seen a Caucasian on his farm looking to work the harvest in over two decades. There was a small group of immigrant workers there working at getting the crop in and the farmer shared that he is paying $150 per person per day to help with the hard work of picking apples. Yet he did not have enough people working and no one answering adds to come and apply for the jobs.

I’ve learned that some farmers have resorted to import prison inmates at $20 per hour.

Yet, 100 or so miles away, people were protesting, marching around holding signs that said things like “we need jobs” “we are the 99%”.

So, that tells me that either these folks with the “we need jobs” banners, already had a job, did not want one or, more likely wanted someone to find the job for them, then bring up on a serving plate.

I believe the jobs are out there if you are willing to go for it.

Jealousy

Let’s consider another possible cause of the angst and a motivator of the occupy movement.

An un equal distribution of wealth in the United States to the top 1% of the citizens.

So were protesting in jealousy of a top 1% wealth then?

If you would like to get over that, this is an easy one:

If you’re not willing to go through what others have had to do to be where they are then sit down and accept it. You’re probably better off anyway.

Otherwise, go get your 1%.

No one is going to give it to you.

Or is that the whole point of the protesting?

They took our jabs!

Before I started my current work, I had often taken jobs that put me working side by side with people born in countries other than the USA.

More than once I remember being taken to a globe, or a map of the world and have rich descriptions of ancient origin, conflicts, hunger, sniper fire and starvation.

I am not surprised anymore. It seems to me that our culture has went in the ditch and those of us born here have become immersed and pickled in the Do It For Me mindset.

Aand now we protest in the streets about the situation.

It is as if we have just woke up from a nap. Wondering why we can’t read, spell, speak or do simple math as evidenced in the current jam that allot of folks are in right now.

May be a good thing. I am confident that there are droves of of people willing to do all the tasks that we either can’t or would rather have it be done for us.

So, in a way we give away our jobs. Don’t we?

The 99%

Some of the best, most competent coworkers I have had the pleasure to work with were not even born in the USA and I doubt they were naturalized citizens at the time.

On time, safe, focused, disciplined and good at what they did. As a rule, spoke better English than most Americans that I know and could teach me things about geography, US and foreign history as well as culture and art.

My Favorite President

It annoys me when I hear the contempt for this President.

How is this guy going to get me a job? How is he supposed to go about doing that?

The mess we are in today regarding jobs and financial security are the result of choices we have all made for decades and collectively in how we vote, consume and live.

The first thing I want to ask someone who complains about our government is “Do you vote?” Second question would be “Are you careful in the products you buy? Careful to purchase and support domestic products and services?”

It is a classic example of Do It For Me Syndrome to look to the government or some pie in the sky, kick up our feet, raise a finger and say “FIX IT”

Try this Instead:  When you catch yourself pointing your finger at the president, or something else as the problem. Turn that finger around at yourself. This is a good thing because that is truly the only change that we can effect: ourselves.

Ever try to change someone else? 

So, the change we complain about can only begin within ourselves. If we can do that, collectively these larger changes the occupy movements seem to be bringing to our attention, These larger, more far reaching changes will be manifested.

I will close this post with a quote from former President John F Kennedy while delivering his Inaugural Address:

"My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what can you do for your country."

"My fellow citizens of the world, ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man."

My Favorite Mayor

Thank You Sam Adams

Mayor, Thank you for allowing the occupy movement soo much liberty. Thank you Sam Adams, for providing security and social service at the encampments. Keeping the protesters safe as well as meeting their needs.

Thank you Sam Adams for supporting the occupy movement, speaking positively and constructively.

I recognize just a few of the challenges the Mayor’s office as well as the police and other bureaus must have in these unique times. It brings me to such gratitude for the fine work, patience and management that you have and continue to show through this added burdon of protests.

All the while, Sam Adams, you remain professional, mature and courageous.

As a parent of three kids, I truly admire the example you show us and the example you live to the community in your service.

Thank You Mayor Sam Adams.

Thank You Police Chief Mike Reese.

Thank You to ALL of the Bureau’s involved.

My Favorite Bank!

I have banked with several northwest banks and two credit unions over a period of close to 30 years. Not a finance expert by any means. I am however a consumer and have some experience with the horror stories told to me as the nightmares were unfolding at Washington Mutual not long ago.

Recently, the larger banks were the focus of protesting by occupy movements and others. One of the results of the protests were that some people were to close their accounts at big banks and instead open accounts at smaller hopefully local credit unions. I get that Ideal.

I question though, how realistic the idea of local credit unions being able to meet the needs that people have today. I mean, with all the portable devices as well as our mobility. Confidentiality. Security. Legals. Just to name a few.

I am not saying at all, that Credit Unions are a bad Idea. I do suggest that big banks play an important positive part in our communities every day as well.

Some of my worst experiences banking were at Credit Unions. I have belonged to two Credit Unions and for the most part, they were tight wads and for one reason or another were never able to really offer me the products that I was looking for at the time. Looking back at the type of consumer I was then, I think it was a sound policy on their part that they were not able to work with me. Good also, I think for the members of those Credit Unions as a collective. So, the credit union’s did not want to work with me. Nothing wrong with that, just a struggle and not a good experience for me.

While banking at US bank, I had to be very careful to follow all the rules and terms that I agreed to or literally get hundreds of dollars in fees levied against the accounts. It was while banking with US bank that I spent some time in a state that did not have a branch office within two thousand miles. I was then that I needed to open an account at Wells Fargo.

The decision to open the account at Wells Fargo has been one of the best choices I have made.

Wells Fargo has been very up front with me as to what kinds of fees, terms and benefits to the different products offered. That and Wells Fargo continues to be outstanding at suggesting products that are in my best interest. Wells Fargo continues saving me money, and has for the 5 years that I have been with them.

The employees have been splendid, whether in person or over the phone. I cannot say enough about the quality of employees there. Frankly it is nice and convenient to be able to find a branch of Wells Fargo most everywhere I travel, although I do not travel far.

The few times I have volunteered for the community, I have been pleased to see a big presence from Wells Fargo at the events. Exceptional!

My Personal experience has been very positive and I feel quite fortunate to be banking there.

What About Me?

One day I had a guy working for me, he is a practicing do it for me syndrome type. I was going on about how rough a life I had, The girls I was having sex with, money I was going through, all the money I owed blah blah blah, whining and bitching like I always did. It was a mind set for me. I believed I was in this giant mess of a life. I asked him what he thought and he gently said “Your Lucky As Hell” and went back to his work.

I was shocked! He did not know what it was like to be in my shoes and blah nah nah nah I said to myself. How dare he!

That started the most wonderful thought process for me, a way of thinking about something other than myself. Sorry if this bores you folks who are reading, but this is not information taught on the Do It For Me Syndrome bus and I want to make sure that its out there.

Hmm.. Out There Indeed!

Oh well, I will be better tomorrow.

More About Me

I have learned why I did that. I mean, made others do all the work and make decisions for me. It was so I did not have to take responsibility for my situation.

I could blame the boss that fired me, the bill collector that sued for judgment against me, or the mayor that kicked me out of the park. I can now blame them and I do not need to do the hard stuff like owning my responsibility for not doing my job or pursuing a manageable career or….

I did not have to own my responsibility for not paying my bills, or living beyond my means, or……

I did not have to take responsibility for the choices that I made.

It’s a shitty way of life, and consequently, for the most part a life of poverty.

 I did not have to do the hard things, intimidating, scary things, like make a change in myself and behavior. After all, the problem was you, my boss, the mayor, the theys.

So I spent a rotten part of my life like that. Like I said, I was born that way baby.

About Me

You will notice that I say “we” often when I write about those with the syndrome. Yup, I was born on the Do It For Me Truck. I can talk about the decades of misery always feeling like I was being picked on, or not getting my just do and how the powers that be were corrupt, exploiting me and lastly how my situation both economic, social, even emotional was someone else’s fault.

It has taken awhile but I see all the work I left to others: the hard work of making my choices for me.

All the work I added where ever I went by not applying myself to the situation. Whether it be making small talk socially or driving through a red light causing four other lanes of traffic to cope and adjust there lives to my self centered idea.

I AM THE 1%

I began thinking about how lucky I was. That thought turned to lucky as hell. Took awhile, but today I truly believe that I am indeed the wealthy, rich 1% of the world on sooo many levels. If you are born in the USA you are rich too.

Born in the U.S.A?

70-80% of the world would love to have our problems.

Have $40 in your pocket? Wealthier than most of the people of the world!

I could go on about running water – hot AND cold.

The point is that this nation has favor. Allot going for us.

Lets channel that favor to parts of the planet and people that have not been so lucky.

Our continued help to those in need, providing we are not enabling destructive behavior, at least would show a powerful example for the rest of the world. This, love and helping our fellow man, I believe is what we are truly about underneath all of the greed and self-centeredness.

Kiva is kindof fun and a way to make a difference - check it out.
I like loaning for agriculture. That way if the loan go's bad,
atleast someone will have something to eat.

Three Step's

Here are three small steps that I think can make a difference in breaking out of a do it for me mindset.

Try to leave an area better than when you found it. For example: try whipping off a messed up counter top when exiting a public restroom or picking up a piece of garbage you find in a public place and putting it in the trash. It frees up a job that someone else has to do and the next person does not have to deal with it. This takes practice but any little bit of effort and even the thought will begin to break the cycle.

Leave a big tip.

When you catch yourself blaming someone, something else for the situation you are in, ask yourself what your part is in the matter. I have found that I either have to go way back in the timeline or right to the current moment to figure out my part. It can be as simple as the way I am choosing to think about a situation that boils down to my part of it all but more often than not it was a choice that I made. Even more, I knew the risk of whatever choice if I get honest about it.

It is amazing to me how empowering this can be and I am no longer a victim of anything by owning my responsibility.

Don't worry when you are not recognized, but strive to be worthy of recognition.
Abraham Lincoln